From Worse To Better

Sometimes it just has to get worse before it gets better.
Our plan was simply to paint the room, but because someone before us didn't do this properly it was a disaster.

Although I like challenges that was just huge waste of time, money as well as some mental health LOL We ended up with five people in three bedrooms, and 2-3 weeks delay, in a very rainy weather that also wasn't helping.

What not to do when removing paint inside the house?
Do not use chemicals. Until you really have to.
I also mean 'green' products, which are in fact so delicate, sometimes too delicate to work!

Harmful chemicals are obviously danger for you (lungs, skin, eyes) but not better at all when it comes to the walls!!!

Two bottles (half of a gallon) @ around $15 + HST and damage you have to repair. No, thank you.

What to do when the paint is not staying in place to be solid base for your new color?

Same you would do with any other surface; use the sand paper.
What stays, will stay, and what is gone is gone. At the same time you'll smooth the surface, so there will be even layer of paint left, with no patches with sharp edges that could cause shadows on your beautiful new color.
For next 2-3 weeks we were scratching and scrubbing, then drying the walls, then repairing the damage with compound then the primer, so the color will be evenly saturated.
Drying was really hard, because of rainy weather, no luck at all LOL but at the end it was worth every hour we've fighting.

Not that I did much if anything at all ;-) After chemo you won't tolerate the smell of any chemicals.
At the end, my little one's room in nautical style will be in blue and cream with red accents and white furniture.
The cream I chose is so beautiful, that on the worse, rainy, grey November day it still looks bright and happily sunny.
There are new challenges with the decor and organization as little one was diagnosed with allergy, but what are the dust mites in the face of cancer ;-) I'm ready. OK, almost ;-)

Oh, my diagnosis...
The bump on my head is 'nothing'. I wasn't able, emotionally, to go to details, to find out what that was exactly. Tumor is responding to treatment (yes, some may be clinically resistant) , what they can still see on the pictures are dead cancer cells.
Performing manual exam my oncologist was almost dancing and practically screaming from excitement.
After 4 cycles of doxorubicin (so called red devil) and cyclophosphamide it is hard to find.
Way to go! For everyone who needs that, I wish the same!

Half-Way Through

They will send you to check, if it's shrinking. It could be clinically resistant after all....

My surgeon, I really trust: "So... why did the oncologist send you to me?"

Me: "???"

My surgeon: "I'll try to call her to find out."

Well, I'm in such uncomfortable situation I'm appreciating not making this worse. I just wonna to be regular patient not requiring any special treatment, please.

One little monkey jumping on the bed

She fell off and bumped her head

Momma called the doctor, and the doctor said

Careful, this monkey might soon be death. 

They had the mri report, that was saying IT is not shrinking, but is no longer in the muscles.

The other thing; they sent me right away to scan and assess the bump on my head.

Everyone was asking when I noticed.

Well ;-) for sure it wasn't there when I had my hair! I don't recall anything that could help me to be more specific.

Now, I will be waiting until Monday for diagnosis.

Other than that: rush here, rush there, everywhere rush, rush!

This chemo has fatal impact on the largest organ: skin.

Combined with alcohol, they like to use to keep everything sterile, it's a disaster.

One day at the time

That's what we agreed to with one of the nurses. It appears, you can not predict chemo side effects.
But you can still survive ;-)
This time it was about pain again. Not so excruciating like after 1st chemo, but more prolong.
Yes, it follows the pattern: 1st day so-so although chemo itself didn't go smoothly. Maybe the body is weaker, maybe they tried to give it too fast. Everyone wants to go home on Friday ;-)
You can still eat and move around. The wellbeing, or it's leftover, goes down the drain around 3hours after neulasta shot.
The 4th day is agonizing, and after all pains and aches strike.
Every muscle in the body hurt to the point you can't sit or lie down. The princess and the pea under the mattress LOL
The headaches, bad back pain, arthritic palms and feet, sinuses and stomach. Enough for few people. Even with one side effect still missing: the mouth sores.
It is very interesting...
Once I said 'scoliosis', that on regular basis I can deal with exercising and swimming, and they ordered additional scan to find bone cancer. I said 'arthritis palms' they look for the cancer.
Come on, people! It's not the only disease on the planet. Try to treat patient as one piece.
Remember? You are giving me neulasta. 35% of patients complain for back pain and bone pain as side effect. I'm not different, just because of my condition I may experience it more painful, but it doesn't necessarily means of cancer.
I'm really lucky. My cancer is slow. As for today they didn't even see it spread to the nodes. Although we will know the true after surgery and biopsy.

On the 8th day someone open the door to the store when I was buying gas.
And I had to have it! Tim Hortons half-and-half. I hope more chocolate in coffee means less caffeine. 
What a beautiful day. Day 8 and 9... until winter I guess ;-) or rather next chemo LOL

Fall in Ottawa

Perfect day for feeding ducks.
So exciting!

Still alive after second chemotheraphy treatment

There it is:
My dear diary,

• Day 4: Now I remember! Forth day is the agony day. Nothing more or less. Nothing to add. Just breath, even it's hard. I'd like to write a little bit more, and I'm writing nothing. This is the day of fascinating ceilings again! 

-         Would you like something to drink?

-         No, thank you

-         Tv? Ya want me to connect the laptop?

-         Nope

-         What will you do?

Well, I’ll lie, look at the ceiling and breathe. Worse day. I remember after first chemo, I was lying on a bathroom floor wailing and my husband was shaving my hair... I didn't think I will ever like or need anything again.

• Day 5: Sleeping beauty day. You sleep, are falling asleep, or waiting to fall asleep.
• Day 6: Better day! More action LOL Showering, preparing food. And no pain this time! Even new dressing is finally working. Nurse asked me if I'd prefer to go to the clinic for change. Hello?? I'm not driving!!! For sure not for the next week!
• Day 7: Extreme challenge day. You have a meal and... rest. You walk downstairs and rest. But this is the day of making plans and small achievements. And the bread smells so good! I have to make one! Just as it was after first chemo. I should be able to walk to school bus on Saturday/Sunday. Too bad too late ;-) Next week then will be perfect!

Chemotherapy diary

yak!
They, the survivors (not me yet ;-)), are saying it's getting better. The first cycle is the worse one. I don't know!
What do I know? For sure I won't be cycle-path. I can't wait to live without the treatment! How tempting is the thought of quitting... But the truth: the second run is feeling easier. It's not what nurse suggested; that you know what to expect. I didn't expect any of that and I'm really happy the side effects are not so severe with just second run. Only... I don't know about tomorrow... scheduled pain day :-(

Dear diary,

• Day 1: Flu with muscle pain, chills and severe fatigue. Overnight (what night? 3 hours of sleep is not a night!) sweating that wakes you up and forces to change the pajamas.
• Day 2: Not bad, you can even eat with your family. Just remember about pills for pills or your stomach will kill you.
• Day 3: Disaster. Eat and drink all the time or your stomach will kill you, as you can not take more pills for pills :-( And if the stomach is forgivable then there is the nausea, and this lump in your throat that you can't swallow pill for nausea with. What a nonsense. Did I mention severe fatigue? No, it wasn't the first day. Walking down the stairs, upstairs, opening one closet, two drawers, and you'll fill like you've just run the marathon. That's the fatigue. And that's the 3rd day.
• Day 4: Hopefully will be better. Or I refuse to write about it! ;-)

As everything is getting much worse after neulasta injection I became suspicious. Am I in some clinical trial or something?
On day 4 the nurse is coming. Again. My skin forced them to come to change the dressing every second day now. It's not only me, who loves the PICC line. Now it's my skin too :-) and I believe still my medical oncologist favourite!

Turkey rice soup rocks! LOL

An Apple A Day

It supposed to be about last day, but turn out differently. You never know what life has to offer.
Then it's not about the last day before second chemo (hate it!). It's about fall and falling apples.
When I spotted small, inconspicuous apples I couldn't believe. But there they where. Even the French name is the same as in my first language: reinette grise!

Russet Apples

In the middle of winter, my grandpa used to go downstairs, into very cold basement, where he stored crates full of juicy, crunchy apples. Covered in blankets, crispy until the late spring.
Too bad it's not the best apple variety nowadays. Delicate in care, sensitive to frost and not very abundant they are almost gone.
It's not the only one defect of nowadays apples. They are on the infamous 'Dirty Dozen' list (I planned to write about one day), but with all the benefits it's better to have non-organic apple than not to have any. Just not only wash them, but also peel before enjoying this crispy, sweet fall symbol.
Definitely they are perfect as always for sharing and making friends :-)

My son won't let me die of hunger. He loves sharing.

Technically I'm prepared for second run.

Pills for side effects, pills for pills and pain killers with narcotics. How could I not hate it? In reality I'd love to go to hell or stay at home. Just not to have to go there. I only hope this time will be easier. Some say it is.

PS:

Still peeling! Not the apples. That would be too good.